May 21, 2014

Summer Days //

The sweet smell of fresh cut grass and sunscreen.
You know what I'm talking about, right? Yes, the start of summer. 

Wisconsin has just started to warm up and we could not be happier. There is already a list of things that we have done and oh so many more to do! Just in the last couple of weeks we've started gardening, dug for warms, made a cardboard box house, flew a kite, went fishing, went on flower hunts, and rolled in the grass

For Bentley and I summer somehow frees us. When we were in Washington it rarely snowed and there were far more places that we could go to just get out of the house and play for awhile. With this past winter in Wisconsin though we have gotten under each others skin and couldn't even go outside due to the frigid temperatures. I am sing with joy that that nonsense is over with

Yesterday was by far my favorite. I took the time to completely unplug (which is more difficult than you think) and spend some true downtime with Bentley and my mom. We went to the park and played alien abduction, then headed back into the "space ship" to go and get some delicious ice cream. When we got home it was pretty late so we got ready for bed and laid down. Now you'd think after so much fun we would just pass right out. Instead we turned on the Scentsy pot and had a shadow bunny skit, where our bunnies danced and kissed goodnight. Before we fell asleep Bentley and I decided to open up our window and let the crickets sing us to sleep. 

I can't wait to have more days like this with my little love! :)

May 14, 2014

A Mother's Battle

As a sit in this dark room, filled with the scent of vicks, and looking over at the bed every ten seconds to see if my child is still sleeping well, I think.. I could not imagine doing anything else the rest of my life. That even though "growing up" seems to suck a majority of the time. You know with all the bills and responsibilities that are inevitable and crap. I can say that I am quite all right with it. I am alright with absorbing the lessons and sitting down to think about decisions rather than living on a whim, not knowing what I'm doing with my life.

I am alright with it because as I look over at my son and think about what we have went through over the past three years and look at all of the things that have happened in just the past few weeks (good and bad) that our story isn't so horrible. I know that we're going to look back at everything together and say yeah there were some rough patches in there. Yes we both had to sacrifice things and "man up" to get to where we are today but we are so glad that we did. We are stronger for it. We have learned from it. And we are happy because of it. That right there is all that I need to keep in my mind. 

I guess my heart is a little heavy tonight though. I have 15 days left of being a stay at home mom. I mean I have worked on and off over the past year but for the most part I got to do everything with Bentley. I got to watch all of the stages so far and play with him whenever I wanted to. I just got hired for my very first CNA job.. And it is full time, 2nd shift. This means that I will be away from him a good majority of the time. I won't get to snuggle him and put him to sleep most nights. And every other weekend I won't be there to take him on adventures or go on family outings. This is why I have to keep telling myself that it will be worth it. 

I've very grateful that I've been able to stay home with Bentley for so long. There are many people in my family that have sacrificed their own time and money in order for that to happen. However I know that I cannot be selfish about it any longer. I know that Bentley needs to be around more kids and be in a "school" environment and I need to show him that no matter what I can be strong and provide for us. 

It's honestly just a battle inside me... The pros and cons of the situation pull at me constantly and I am just terrified right now to step out of my comfort zone and take this new step. I guess all I can ask for are prayers of strength for not only myself but for Bentley in this transition. 

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, 
and she laughs without fear of the future.
When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness."
Proverbs 31:25-27