It's time to free myself...

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Everyone has to grow up.
We all end up leaving home.
We have to take on responsibilities.
We all have to take on things we don't want to.

Do we have to loose all sense of family though?
Why is it that when you move away things just change.. I understand that I'm across the country, but isn't love within a family supposed to last forever and never fade no matter how many miles are between you?
I thought I was doing a pretty good job on my end with staying connected and in touch to show how much my family truly means to me. Guess it wasn't enough though...

With my brain swimming I feel like maybe I'll just never go back.. If someone wants to see me and show that they love me, they can come to this beautiful state and show me. 
It's not a one way street in my eyes, but if you're going to make it that way then fine.. I'll make my one way go the opposite way of yours then.

I guess that's just the 'rebel' of the past in my brain talking..
Because truly I don't want to do that. 
I want to be able to see my family and everything that's going on.
I'm just hurt my some things that are going on in my life right now and don't know how to switch any of it to make it better. 

Should I have to be the one that makes everything better or can someone else take over for a while...

Feeling like a lone sheep over here.
Scared for my life because I've been neglected and rejected by so many people.
Is there ever going to be a time that God doesn't turn my life into a heap of burning rubble?